Half-truths

So, this isn’t really the post I want to write, but I don’t know what that post is yet.  So this is kind of a reminder post.

I’m a little bit of a weirdo.  If you come over to my house to spend the night and I either give you the master bed or share it with you, I’ll first have to move an air purifier off the mattress.  It looks like this.  And there’s another one on the floor beside the bed, I sleep between them.

Obviously, if you’re watching this, you’re going to ask why.  And I’ll tell you it’s because it drowns out the noise and makes the bed vibrate a little.  You’ll nod your head, question your decision making paradigm that got you alone in the room with me, watching me move my air purifier and then promptly forget about it.

I didn’t lie to you.  It does drown out the noise.  But what noise?  It’s not like I live in the middle of some violent inner city with gunshots and sirens at all hours of the night.  Or next to a railroad track or airport.  No.  What I’ve got is tinnitus and sometimes it drives me bat-shit crazy.  And the only chance I have of falling asleep when it’s really bad is to have the fans on each side of my head, going full blast to try to drown out the noise.  Music and TV don’t work because my ADD brain starts focusing on the song or show.  When it’s really bad, it even keeps me awake through an ambien.

The other noise it drowns out are my inner thoughts  Putting my head against the fan will vibrate it and make so much noise that it’s hard for me to form coherent thoughts, so instead of laying awake all night playing “what if” and rehashing the day’s events, I generally fall asleep faster.

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