J and I have gotten in the habit of texting “Good morning!” to one another. But it’s funny, it’s not just the greeting of the day, it’s a sign of how we’re feeling in general, and how we’re feeling towards one another. And it’s also a conscious decision that we make everyday to be in the relationship and try and work it out. Well, for me it is.
I’m not trying to put too much emphasis on two words and a punctuation mark. But there’s meaning there. We’re in the middle of our biggest rough patch yet. Earlier this week I was really hurt and wasn’t sure how I felt about her and the relationship. I mean, I knew I love her, but was that enough? Are we really compatible? It was hard to send anything at all on Tuesday. It wasn’t “Good morning!”, it was just “Good morning”. Yesterday was even worse, all she got from me was “morning”. We talked a lot last night, and I’m still hurt and confused, but I’m not ready to throw the towel in. Normally, she gets the first text right after I wake up, but today it took a couple hours. And it was an effort to type both words and the exclamation point. Are we a good fit? Should we keep fighting? Should this be easier than this? If I type all three of those out, it’s me saying I’m not done fighting to make this work yet.
It’s difficult. But I like that daily affirmation, that daily decision point.